Broken Back~

Broken back, Broken dreams 
broken life it seems 
never know there was pain 
until it comes 
it hits you like standing in the rain 
and leaves many ideas undone 
oh shit, what will we become? 
Doctors, doctors 
percocet, darvacet, vicadin 
doctors don’t want you to feel pain¬†
pain goes away 
ready to come back anyday 
ready, ready for more pills 
don’t worry their not making me ill¬†
broken back, broken dreams 
kids and house still need to be cleaned 
we still have some hope 
while were creeping to cope 
with pain and doctors and fear of a operation 
nothing, nothing done 
except pop those pills, two needed now not one 
all of a sudden 
broken back, broken dreams 
lost of hope it seems 
no insurance is thrown into the beams 
percocet, darvocet, vicadin 
numbing, numbing is slowly making me insane 
had to learn to mow the lawn 
slow down while I hold your arm 
slow down everything 
even my dreams 
of success and good times 
Instead I listened to your whines 
screams and cry 
asking for the end of your life 
asking you to use more pills so you can try 
to help our family survive 
Broken back, broken dreams 
lost of three years it seems 
finally insurance kicks in 
start with the doctors, doctors again 
appointments, drugs, therapy and shots 
all not helping the pain in that spot 
vacations taken with wheelchairs and with lots and lots of care 
in hopes of smiling and having fun 
because the kids still depend on mom to run 
as we live on with thoughts of surgery to be done 
as I birth a son 
failure and finances hit us hard 
now we have to get humble and push the “parent card’¬†
ask for help, need to get out, not enough to eat, need to retreat 
just to find my parents are crumbled and doesn’t want our family¬†
they just want to “be”¬†
sent away humbled and weak 
moved in with friends 
broken back, broken life 
broken is this wife 
in this one room we were in 
finally picked up out of poverty 
hooked up the family 
just to gear up for lost of money, hardship 
then 
back surgery 
broken back, broken dreams 
light and hope are just in sight it seems 
with more doctors and more pills 
everything is extreme 
Now time for surgery. 
Horrible thoughts come to me 
when you were in surgery 
thoughts of death and being a widow at thirty-three 
or, if you lost all your abilities 
Then, the doctors come in and say with a grin 
“everything was good” –knock on wood¬†
Ha! Triumph and blessings! 
Ready for therapy. Slowly, slowly everything is moved 
Now he can put on his shoes! 
Time for the mattress to get out the living room 
ready to walk, ready to run, ready to have some fun 
vacation is just what needs to be done 
Family, family, family reunion 
party drink and play, getting enlightened everyday 
every minute and hour we stay is costing his job away 
Your fired have a nice day is the words that play 
when we got back home, now time to cry and moan 
we didn’t expect all of this, where is bliss?¬†
broken back, broken dreams 
there is hope it seems 
Great, now time for a horrible economy, not enough money 
Being kicked out, not wanting to scream or shout 
Money isn’t all for me–but just to feed my family?¬†
when we were just getting ahead? 
No one to help us instead 
failing, falling and poverty 
leaves me here with my poetry 
writing it down 
saying it aloud 
wanting to win 
hoping to have dreams again.